I dont know how I should feel. I try to focus on getting out of the sadness, but it comes right back. I don't know what to do or how to feel. I feel that being as normal as possible diminishes Tracey's effected my life, and the future she wanted. I feel as if I need to make major changes in my life, and make sure Tracey's legacy lives on. I just don't know how or what to do. I am paralyzed. I am supposed to go to work in the morning. I dont know what the point is. I know I have to support Bella but What is more important, paying for Bella or being with Bella Tracey? I dont know how parents do it.
I thank everyone who is worried, I know everyone cares, but this is one that I am going to have to overcome alone. Well me and some therapy.
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You dont have to do anything but be there for your daughter and try to get through the day. Tracey will always be there and her legacy will evolve and always be present in you and Bellas lives and everyone that knows you two. I dont think you have a choice about that or how that happens always, Traceys spirit is there with you, and will be always.
ReplyDeleteWe cant wait to see you two and are thinking of you all the time.
Much love,
Sarah in Baltimore
Brandon,
ReplyDeleteYou are gone through all the normal feelings, dont feel like you should act any different. Just love Bella with all your heart, she is part of you and Tracey and the love you two shared together. Your East Coast family and friends cant wait to see you and Bella.
(I want to hold Bella before my sisters Carrie and Cindy do. After all im the oldest.)
Our love and thoughts are always with you and Bella, see you this weekend.
Love your
East Coast Cousin
Kim
Brandon,
ReplyDeleteyou are going to feel many things and have set backs. just love your daughter, cherrish your memories of Tracey. I can't imagine the feelings you are going through but do know that feelings are not right or wrong they are your feelings. do the best you can and take each day as it comes, or each hour as it comes.
I am looking forward to meeting Bella on Saturday. Hoping it brings closure for me. i haven't been close to Tracey for many years but still each day something hits me and i have to take a moment or more.
We love you and will see you saturday.
love cousin cheryl
from diane - i didn't die but i was divorced and also torn. kids got sick but i had to work, it is hard. i had my sister joyce to watch tracey but a warm-hearted nanny will go a long way to comfort you and bella. if the 1st person isn't quite right, look for another. you're right. you have to support bella. tracey would acknowledge that. she was raised with a single parentand knew she was loved. i think that's what made her independent and strong seeing her mom do what she had to do. love you.
ReplyDeleteBrandon,
ReplyDeleteThere is no set way to feel at this point. The pain is overwhelming I know and it's okay to experience whatever is happening. Everything that you do for yourself and Bella is a tribute to Tracey's life. She watches over you every day...talk to her...talk to Bella about her, even though she won't understand it right now. It will help you to say things out loud.
Diane's advice is very wise. The fact that you have to work in no way diminishes your love for Bella. You will do what you need to and she will know that she is loved, just as Tracey did.
I am looking forward to seeing you both on Saturday.
Love,
Jane